The self-confidence myth holding women back

In our new ongoing series where industry voices share personal insights on career development, Marit Smid reflects on a fundamental yet misunderstood topic: self-confidence — and why waiting for it may be the biggest barrier to growth.

By Marit Smid, mentor and trainer

In conversations with women across the digital and tech space, one theme comes up again and again: “I’d take that step… but I don’t feel confident enough yet.”

It sounds reasonable — even responsible — to wait until you feel ready. But this belief quietly holds many women back. It assumes that confidence is a prerequisite for taking action. In reality, it’s the other way around.

The myth about self-confidence

We often imagine confidence as something we must have before trying something new: a promotion, a technical course, a leadership role, a bold career shift.
But confidence isn’t a magical feeling that appears on its own. It doesn’t land in your lap one morning, fully formed and ready to guide you.

Believing you must feel confident before you move is one of the most persistent — and limiting — myths women face in their careers. It keeps opportunities just out of reach and reinforces the idea that others are “more ready” simply because they seem more self-assured.

Confidence comes after action

Here’s the truth: confidence is built through doing.

Every time you take action — even a tiny one — your brain gathers evidence that you’re capable, resilient, and safe. That evidence becomes confidence. Not the other way around.

When you assume confidence will follow after you take the step, the pressure to feel fearless right now disappears. You no longer need to wait for the perfect moment.
You can move forward even if your stomach flips or your voice shakes — because confidence is waiting for you on the other side.

Three steps to build self-confidence

Use this simple process to move toward your goals while building real, grounded self-confidence:

1. Shift your focus to the “after” moment

When the thought “I need more confidence first…” appears, imagine yourself just one small step ahead — after you’ve done the thing.
What does that future version of you feel? Relieved? Proud? Energized?
If she feels good about taking the step, let her guide you.

2. Take the smallest possible step

Not the boldest step. Not the perfect step. The smallest one.
Every small action teaches your subconscious that it’s safe to try something new — that you won’t fail catastrophically, and in fact, nothing terrible happens.
As your brain learns this, self-doubt softens. Confidence grows. Each next step becomes easier.

3. Document your wins

Write down each small step you take and how it felt afterwards.
This creates a personal evidence bank — a list you can return to when your mind tries to convince you you’re not ready.
It’s proof that you’ve done new things before, that you’ve survived, and that it felt good to have moved.

Confidence is not a requirement — it’s a result

When you approach confidence as something you earn through movement, you break the cycle of waiting.

You stop holding yourself back.

You stop asking permission from a feeling that was never meant to come first.

Confidence is not a gatekeeper.

It’s a consequence of stepping into the direction you want to go.

Do you want to be part of an organised 3-month programme that will help you accelerate your digital career and boost your self-confidence? Join us for the upcoming RightBrains Digital Talent Programme kicking off in March 2026.